All the Noise

Maybe it is just me but it feels like we or I am at a point in my life where there is so much outside noise. People telling you how you should look, what you should wear, the perfect thing to eat, the correct way to work out, the best way to have relationships, the best high paying job and so much more.

At the beginning of the month of May I wrote in my journal “Whatever makes you feel the sun from the inside out, chase that” and that has been my motto this month. Whatever makes you feel joy and whatever fills your cup mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or physically just do that!

I know I relate a lot back to my own personal health and fitness journey but that is something I can easily apply most things to. In our day and age where everyone on social media is an “influencer” it is easy to get wrapped up in opinions and perspectives of others. Eat this amount of calories, do this workout to look lean, buy this cute matching workout set to make you feel good. The thing about this is that if we are always doing what society tells us to do, eat, how to move or what to buy we are going to be running around and around in circles and we will truly never be happy.

We were not meant to constantly be dieting, we are not meant to constantly be working out, we are not meant to constantly be thinking about what foods to eat or which ones to avoid, we are not meant to constantly be aiming towards a certain weight, pant size or arbitrary number on a fitness watch.

The thing is is that God didn’t make us all to fit a certain “asthetic.” He doesn’t want us to choose the world over Him. He didn’t make us to eat less than 1500 calories, spend hours and hours at the gym, beating ourselves up by how we look in the mirror and He didn’t make us to listen to all the outside noise.

Last year I was put into a box, by myself and others. I thought I was only capable of doing a certain job, I thought I had to walk this many steps, eat this amount of food or do this type of exercise in order to be happy but true genuine joy and happiness is not found in people, a job, a workout or diet plan. True genuine joy comes from the Lord, and the Lord Himself. Stop listening to the outside noise of the world and listen to the words God is speaking to you right now.

These days I am listening to the Lord more in a time that is chaotic (more to come about that later). I am honoring the body that He gave me and fueling it and moving it in ways that bring me joy. Right now I am consuming more food, I am running more and I am chasing that sunshine that He is lighting me up with.

Choose joy, chase the sunshine that God is giving you, know He loves you and you are incredibly worth it.

As Always,

Abi

Top 10 of 2020

Like everyone, this year was tough there’s really no sugar coating that. This year also brought me more joy, more peace, and more clinging to the Lord than ever. I am making this blog post to share the 10 things 2020 taught me and I will bring with me next year

1. Take things one day at a time. You are not promised tomorrow, next week or next month. Time is going to pass regardless. I learned to stop putting things off and do whatever “it” was today.

2. You don’t need fancy restaurants and to spend a million dollars for a perfect date night. Pre-pandemic Saturday nights were for date nights or date days, I loved them and looked forward to them every week. Whether it was going out for dinner or walking around Palm Springs I always looked forward to it. When March 13 happened I felt like date nights went non existent, waiting when life would open up again and we could go out and do fun things. We’ve had concert plans, sporting event plans and travel plans that went out the door. 2020 taught us to find and make our own dates. I still look forward to the weekends, we recently started making more dinners on the weekend that we wouldn’t normally during the week. We are cooking more together and enjoying more quiet simple things together.

3. It’s okay not to be okay. As cliche as that sounds this year taught me how true the statement is. It’s okay to cry, be mad, angry and sad all at the same time. It’s okay to have a million and five questions, it’s okay to hurt and feel all the things. This year taught me that, but it also taught me not to dwell on those things. Through meditation I’ve learned to feel all the things but I’ve also learned to let it go. I’m still working on that last part.

4. Board games are a lot of fun, except monopoly and I’ll just leave it at that.

5. While physical touch is not my love language it’s still something I need and something I miss. Giving a handshake to someone you just met and a hug or a high five to one of the kids at the club, I really miss that.

6. Drink the water and eat the ice cream. I know, you can roll your eyes all you want to but drinking or aiming to drink 1 gallon of water everyday has changed my life. I give drinking water credit to my decrease in brain fog and clear skin. Water is also your body’s way of detoxing as well. There is no need to drink certain juices, or go on a “cleanse” to detox your body, just drink your dang water! Also ice cream, don’t forget to eat ice cream because ice cream makes people happy.

7. I can be creative. I use to get to upset that I wasn’t “creative” however this year taught me that’s false. I just never found something I wanted to create. As tiny as this blog is it’s been an outlet to create something so small. It’s been a way to let my creative juices flowing and share a little bit of my heart. I also forgot how much I loved baking, more of that in 2021.

8. The simplicity of a walk. I didn’t think a walk could be so impactful but it sure it. It gives your body a little bit of movement and gives your mind a little bit more clarity. 30 minutes a day with a cute little dog at the end of your leash is all it took some days for my mood to turn around. Highly recommend.

9. Choose Joy. The Christmas Eve church service I attended was all about joy, and that true joy comes from the Lord, which couldn’t be anymore true. But everyday is a choice, and if you want to have that joy in your heart you have to choose it, every single day. Being happy is a temporary feeling but the joy and love that comes from Jesus lasts forever. Joy is hard though, it’s easy to choose that joy and love when everything seems to be going right. It’s hard to choose that joy during those tough times in March and April when you feel sad and lonely, taking bubble baths at 2 pm on a Tuesday wondering if this is ever going to end.

10. How little control I have and how much control God has and should have. We can plan and hope and wish and dream but at the end of the day if it’s not in God’s plan for us then it’s not going to happen. I can plan and try to control my future, my career, when I’m finishing school, what time I make it home from work, my plans for the weekend but I’ve learned that it’s not up to me. And honestly that feels good. The Lord has already written my story, who am I to think I am better than Him and try to change it. He has control, from the beginning of time, in 2020 and going on to the next year. He is in control.

2020 was a dumpster fire, there is no doubt about that. And just because the clock changes to a new year doesn’t mean 2021 will be any better. But there is hope, there is joy that we can choose and there is a weight we can take off our shoulders and that’s my prayer going into the new year.

Let it go and give it to God

As Always,

Abi

My Lifestyle Change

I didn’t start educating myself in the health and fitness field until 2018. Sure I cared what I looked like and “worked out” before that, but in 2018 was when I got immersed in it and started to live a healthier lifestyle. If you are waiting for the time to be “perfect” to start your health and wellness journey you are going to be waiting forever, something is always going to come up that’s why you just have to start where you are. It was an unknown time in my life when I started my health and fitness journey, I had just got married, moved from Missouri to California, and had no idea what I was doing with my life.

August of 2018 (me on the left) was when I started working out. I moved to the middle of nowhere Californian and was expecting a $10 a month Planet Fitness membership to be right around the corner but that was not the case. So I invested in one of the only gym memberships in town and made the choice that if I’m going to spend more than $10 on a monthly membership I might as well push hard and give my workouts my all. I didn’t know what I was doing at first. I knew that progress was a combination of lifting weights and cardio so I did just that. I also knew that progress was all about what you ate as well so I started to be more mindful or at least I thought I was. I was doing all the things I saw on social media. No, not a good tactic but it was a learning lesson. I tried everything, lemon water detox routine, smoothies for lunch, nothing but salads for dinner, and cutting out the “bad foods.” What quickly happened was I learned that was not sustainable. I cut out those “bad foods” but then ate them in abundance on the weekend leading me to be frustrated that I was not seeing results. Because of that, I was trying to compensate at the gym and work out even harder. A vicious cycle that I finally got out of.

In September of 2019 (the middle picture) was when I started viewing working out as less of a chore and fell in love with the quote “moving your body is a celebration of what you can do, not a punishment for what you ate.” I also found a program that I love and proud to be doing it still today. It’s called GirHuslte founded by Kristie Barker. Yes, I did find her through social media but her program stood out to me. GirlHustle is all about the physical aspect of life but also the mental aspect of life, and the program is a combination of mind and muscle. What I learned was that mind and muscle go hand in hand, to see progress through muscle you have to exercise your mind, and to feel good mentally you should exercise your body. GirlHustle has great workouts that I have loved and even purchased Kristie’s supplement workouts like her Ab’s Accelerator that strengthens your whole core and your lower back, her Built at home upper body program which can be done literally all at home with 1 set of dumbbells and her leg program. The biggest thing I have loved and have learned so much about was food. GirlHustle does not have a specific “diet” plan. I have learned to kind of hate that word because it can have a bad connotation. “Diet” does not mean you have to restrict foods or limiting the amount you eat. The word diet simply means the way you eat and GirlHustle teaches macro counting and tracking as a way of eating and it completely changed the way I view food.

GirlHustle doesn’t believe in restricting food that’s why Kristie and the whole coaching team teach macro tracking. What are macros you ask? All foods are a combination of micronutrients which are vitamins and minerals and macronutrients which are carbohydrates, fats, and protein. Your body needs a combination of all three macronutrients to live a happy life.

Carbohydrates give you energy
Fats product your bones and organs
Protein helps builds muscles

Counting/tracking macros leaves no room for restrictions and there is so much food freedom with it. If one day I want a bowl of ice cream I can have that bowl of ice cream and not feel like i “cheated” or feel “ guilty, like I fell off the wagon.” Instead, the bowl of ice cream is part of my eating for that day. I log whatever I ate on an app called MyFitnessPal and see that it has a certain amount of macros and I eat around my given amount of the rest of the day, so much freedom!

Which brings me to the picture on the right, which was last week. Happier feeling confident that I know that I can eat whatever I want to as long as it fits my macros. The last 365 days with GirlHustle I have learned so much about health and fitness but I have also learned who I am as a person and what it truly means to dig deep and be stronger than your excuses. I have learned that tracking your food or macros doesn’t mean you have to obsess over numbers. To me tracking my food and macros has been an eye-opening experience and I have learned what it means to listen and understand your body when it reacts to certain foods. MyFitnessPal is literally a diary of all your food, if you notice that you have reactions to certain foods then you can go back and see what you have been eating and not eat as much of it. I have learned that having an “all or nothing” mentality is terrible, if you have a bad day with your eating or workouts you don’t have to wait to start over on Monday, or on the first of the month or January 1st, you have 365 days of new starts and that in itself feels good! I have learned that when you eat things from the ground your body craves more things from the ground. I have also learned to fall in love with running again, that lifting weights as a girl will not make you bulky and that my favorite meal consists of grilled chicken and veggies with a bowl of ice cream on the side.

This program has changed my daily habits and routine. I may not be “perfect” every day but there are a few things that I do every single day without fail no matter what. Every single day I plan my meals in MyFitnessPal as much as possible, I drink a gallon of water every day and every single morning I set an alarm for 15 minutes and spend it listening to what God has to say to me for the day and journal. Read that as in you don’t have to eat salads, drink smoothies, or workout out every single day to see results. All you need is a solid and simple plan, maybe a program you love and people around you to support and encourage you along the way and I have found just that. The scale and measurements are just a tool to and a number but they have helped propel me forward. I am not defined by those numbers but I am proud of that. Since August 2018 I have gone from a size 14 to a size 8 and I have lost 45 lbs. I know what you’re thinking “45 lbs in 3 years, that doesn’t sound like a lot” but to me, this is progress because what I have found is not a quick fix, it’s not a shake or a tea or a pill and BOOM it’s gone. This is a lifestyle change and a lifestyle change is for life. There is still work I want to keep doing physically and mentally but I am proud of how far I’ve come and how much I’ve learned.

If you are still reading this far I would like to offer some type of advice. Find a routine that works for you, whatever that may be, and fall in love with it. Invest the time in yourself and stick with it no matter how hard it is to fight for yourself do it anyway. Oh, and one more thing, life is a marathon, not a sprint. Find joy in the journey of running your race and encourage others along the route.

As Always,

Abi

Comparison Is The Thief of Joy

Comparison. Something I didn’t realize was in my heart until a few years ago.

Comparison is emotional

Comparison is painful

Comparison is ugly

I could go on and on with quotes you’ve probably already read about comparison and how it negatively effects you and the person you are comparing yourself to, but I won’t. Instead, I will talk about my own journey with this trait and why Psalm 139:14 means so much to me.

I’ve always struggled with comparison. I have an older brother who I look alike and nearly every teacher I had growing up would notice us because of our looks and Zupon really isn’t that common of a last name. In my eyes, and a lot of other’s eyes, he was close to flawless. He was smart, so kind and athletic and everyone literally everyone seemed to love him. Looking back, I didn’t thank him enough for setting a good example for me and making sure I had a somewhat easier time with teachers. Still to this day when I am back home and I am out at a store i still get “hey aren’t you Mikie’s little sister.” It wasn’t until 7th grade in middle school band, when I was struggling with scales on the clarinet, and my teacher said “these scales are so easy, why can’t you get it just like your brother” and Mikie’s sister was the last person I wanted to be, but I still loved him and deep down I wanted to be like him. I wanted to be smart, kind, and athletic like him, but deep down I knew that would never be the case. I was trying to be someone who was already someone.

I vaguely remember 7th grade D-NOW weekend in youth group, but there are several things I do remember. I remember finding a love for chips and dip that weekend, I remember playing a game called Quelf with a group of girls that shortly became my best of friends (sitting in a bathtub will do that to you, am I right Hannah? lol) and I remember coming across the bible verse Psalm 139:14. “I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” I don’t remember why we were talking about it but I remember that verse really hitting me in the heart and I didn’t know why until a few years ago.

Flash forward to a few years ago. I had gotten married, kinda started to figure out what I wanted career wise and I had just started getting into health and fitness, and comparison was and still is everywhere. I wanted to buy a house like other’s I knew. I wanted a full time salary job right then and there. I wanted the flat stomach and muscles like all these “influencers” I saw on social media. Again in my life I wanted to be someone who was already someone and that verse that so dearly touched my heart grabbed a hold of my heart and slapped me right in the face. That verse reminds me every day that I am fearfully and wonderfully made perfect the way I am. God, who created the universe, the beautiful beaches I saw in san diego the breathtaking mountains I look at everyday also created me, perfect and wonderful. He didn’t make me to look like someone else or be someone else. He didn’t make me to be a beach or a mountain or any person I compare myself to. He made me, me. He made me as Abi, He made me to not compare myself to others and made me to praise Him for being perfect in His image.

Comparison has been an ongoing battle for me and when I’m really down on myself I cling hard to this verse. I also remember that wanting things and moving on to the next step in life is not always beneficial. If you have a constant mindset of once you have love you will be happy or once you buy a house you will be happy or once you have the flat stomach you will be happy, you are always going to be chasing after something and never happy. But once you learn to grow and love right where you are, as who you are and not comparing yourself to anyone else then that is where real joy comes from. Don’t let comparison take that from you.

As Always,

Abi

Abi Runs

Global running day is today so I thought I would write about this sport that changed me

I use to hate running. When I was in high school I thought it was the worst thing ever, I mean who would want to voluntarily go out and just run? What do you even think about while running? What do you do with your hands? How can you make your body just go for miles and miles on end? My friends would make me go running with them during breaks, serious girls I would think, it’s Christmas break where we are suppose to be sleeping in and eating all the holiday treats, not waking up early and run in the cold. Needless to say they were making me a better person even though I hated every minute of it. I hated running in all the sports I was involved in and I hated running in PE. I think that is where it started, its not that I was unhealthy in my teen years but I was definitely never the skinniest and I guess I had this perception from places like PE that you could only run if you were thin. Which now I am learning that is farthest from the case.

As cliche as this may sound, running changed my life at the beginning of 2018. I was engaged and doing long distance, Adam was in California and I was in Missouri from August 2017 until we got married in July 2018. Goodbyes with him were the hardest thing I have ever had to do, there were lots and lots of tears and lots of emotional eating. I remember the goodbye so vividly, it was February and he was back for a long weekend during Valentine’s Day. I think that goodbye was especially hard because I knew it wouldn’t be until the end of April until I saw him again. Over 2 months without that man that I loved was going to be extremely difficult. I cried the whole way to the airport and the whole way home after dropping him off. I got home and cried and the only thing I wanted was a hug, my mom has this weird super power where she knows what I need sometimes way before I do, and me being not much of a touchy feely kind of person, I walked in the door and went straight into my mom’s arms. I don’t know what it was or what happened in my mind but after that hug with my mom I asked her if she would go with me (being alone was the last thing I wanted to do) and I wanted to buy a pair of running shoes and I have loved the sport since then. I know emotionally I could have gone 1 of 2 ways that night, I could have did what I did or I could have sat there and moped around with a woe is me mindset without my fiance next to me, which would have taken me down a long depressing unhappy road. But I realized in that moment that there are always choices in life and you and literally only you have the power to go left or right.

Since that night in February I have ran 3 half marathons, the last being virtual which was not what i was expecting, and I have learned way more than just how to make my body go for miles and miles. Running for me started to be a way to unwind and release anxiety and to this day and I think forever it will be that for me. I keep running as a celebration for my body and my mind, I don’t run to lose weight or to have a “runner’s body” or to finish 1st in any race but I keep running because of what it does to my mind soul. It allows me to focus on me and only me, its a reminder that I am more capable than I think I am and it’s a reminder to never compare yourself to anyone which is something I struggle with. Through the process of running I have also learned truly how to fuel your body with food for races and how certain foods have an effect on your performance. I even learned to not be afraid of certain foods and learned to love carbs, but that is a different blog for a different day 😉

As Always,

Abi

No Does Not Mean Failure

One of my favorite teachers in high school was Mr. Plaster and literally everyone loved him. He taught AP world history my sophomore year and recent american arts and culture my senior year. I wish I could tell you that I learned to love world history and I could spit off facts about random history but I can’t. What I can tell you is a quote he told me that has honestly changed a lot of my life and how I view success and failure. He shared the quote with his students time and time again and I didn’t really understand it until I was hit with success and all my failure. The quote was this:

“Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart.”

As time has gone on I have read that quote more as “never let the yes’s get to your head and never let the no’s get to your heart.”

I have learned recently that there is something very humbling about the word no. Realizing that a no does not mean negative criticism. Sometimes no is just an opportunity for you to learn and grow from where you are right now. Several months ago, I applied for a higher position at my job and I truly thought I was the best person for the job. Turned out I did not end up getting that position. I took it pretty hard, like everything I saw it as rejection and I felt like I was back at square one. I felt like I still didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grow up. I felt like that was my one shot and I lost it.

Flash forward to right now, I finally have gotten to work for the first time in the last 60 days and I have learned so much about that “no”. The big thing I have learned was that I wasn’t truly the best person for the job and admitting that is okay. It’s uncomfortable to do but it is humbling at the same time. Learning and growing right now with what I have and the resources I have might make me the best person for the job in the future.

I know I have had success and I am not going to look past that but when I hear that “no” it always hits a little harder than the “yes”. However, I have learned more through the failures and the “no” than I have through the yes and I know and trust that one day I am going to get that big “yes”.

As Always,

Abi

Mama

If quarantine and social distancing happened 10-12 years ago my mom and I would be screwed. It’s not that I was a terrible child but I was a teenage girl with teenage girl tendencies, with lots of dreams, lots of feelings and lots of emotions.

I loved my mom as a kid growing up. She was always encouraging me to try new things like middle school track. She sat through hours and hours of dance classes, softball practice and was a soccer coach at one point. Bless her soul, she even endured the inevitable 6th grade band and listened to me sometimes practice my clarinet in the basement.

In high school we fought and argued and bickered like every mom and daughter does. But it was in high school where i genuinely started to listen to the things my she was telling me. In my high school years, she would tell me every singly day “boo, you have to choose to be happy” and to this day when I am angry at someone, or the weather puts me in a mood or I just wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I hear her voice reminding me that at the end of the day, my happiness is my choice and my choice only. I can choose to mope and be sad at situations, or I can choose to open my eyes and see some sort of positivity and choose to be happy.

In those high school years, some of the best times I had with my mom was shopping on Saturday,s “piddling” through stores, not really with a rime or reason and not spending any money. Those Saturdays were our time, our time to to be girls, our time to be a mom and daughter, our time to laugh if we needed or to or cry if we needed to all while doing so with a diet coke in our hands.

One of the hardest days and one of the most pivotal day in my life happened my senior year of high school, right after I applied to the one and only college that I wanted to go to. My mom was home when I got back from school one day which I thought was weird. When I walked in I knew something was off. It was that day when she broke the news that I had been rejected to college. I felt like a disappointment, I felt stupid, I felt like there was something wrong with me and I didn’t feel enough. It was in that moment that my mom hugged me, let me cry, gave me a cupcake (I don’t know why there were cupcakes, she was probably doing what she does best and baking for someone that day) and told me that I would make it through this one way or the other. And I did. I think I remember that day so vividly because it was the first time in my life that I knew my mom was hurting for me. She didn’t let me cry but she cried with me, she knew I felt broken and she loved me anyway.

Out of all the seasons my mom and I have had I will say that even though we are 1400 miles away I am in my favorite season with her. We text daily and have hour long conversations on Wednesdays that I look forward to every week. I love that we can laugh at inappropriate memes and share margaritas. I know I will always need my mom because who else would let me send a picture of a green spot on my toe and gives me the tough love when I need it? She plays the devils advocate when I don’t want to hear it and she still laughs at all my silly jokes. She has taught me how to love others because she knows I am broken and loves me whole heartedly anyway. She lets me grow, move halfway across the country and reminds me that home is more than a place and there is no one who makes me feel more home than she does.

I love you mom

As always,

Abi

This Is Me

Hi!

I’m new here and so are you! My name is Abi and I am your average young adult wanting to spread a little bit of joy in this dark world, hoping that writing a blog would do just that

I’ve never really been good at school so I was confused when I had this desire in my heart to write a blog. I hated english class in high school because it required reading at an above average pace and writing papers on topics I didn’t really like. However, as a young adult with quarantine free time I’ve learned that reading and writing are enjoyable when you read books you actually want to read, and write about topics you have a love and passion for. If 11th grade english class started at age 25 I would have passed with flying colors.

Sometimes I feel like I don’t have a passion. I went to college not really knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. I ended up changing my major at least 4 times and spent a lot of money for 5 years listening to the world tell me what I was suppose to be doing. Instead I should’ve listened to what God actually wants of me. To this day I still don’t know what that is, but I wake up every day receptive for what He has in store for me that day and listening to what He may be telling me about my future

If it is one thing I do know is that the Lord has given me a heart to love and serve people specifically kids. He has given me an appetite that can eat all the chips and queso that my stomach will allow. And He has given me the knowledge that life can be tough and navigating it can be even tougher.

There are days where I am excited and ready to go workout but also days where I lay on the couch and binge watch Grey’s.

There are days where I make myself a darn good grilled chicken salad but also days where I eat pizza and a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice cream.

There are days where I want to spend my time with my husband going out to the local brewery to try their new beer and there are days where I want stay in and enjoy my time at home with him.

There are days when I trust in the Lord with all my heart and soul and there are days when my anxiety sinks in and I want all the power and control.

Going through life is hard especially with different sources telling you to be different things. Navigating and sifting through truth and lies of the world is difficult but I think I am like every twenty something out there, trying to do my best at it. I hope you stick around for future blog posts and find encouragement in the good and the bad that life has to offer. I always want to be open and authentic and always want to bring some sort of positivity.

As Always,

Abi